


Jeannie Bean's Planets Align

by AdorkableAuthor



Series: Veronica Drinking in a Bar [2]
Category: House of Lies, Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Doug and Dick Abuse, Sorry Not Sorry, potty mouth, this needed to be done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:58:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8873044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorkableAuthor/pseuds/AdorkableAuthor
Summary: The boys of Neptune run into a very different Veronica. The boys of Galweather learn about Jeannie's past. Post series VM, During season 2 of HoL.Stand alone piece





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own either property. 
> 
> I wrote this after watching HoL again. I thought it would be funny if Logan met Jeannie. I had a lot of fun writing it and thought I would share it. I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> (Please, leave comments and kudos if you like it.)

“You think a cross-dressing hermaphrodite who turns you down is still worth points? How is that possible, Doug?”

“She still showed me her, um, under the panties. I think that particular show and tell is still worth something. Am I wrong, Jeannie?”

Jeannie Van Der Hooven scoffed and looked up from her phone screen. “Doug, you are some sick fuck. No points.”

Clyde Oberholt and Marty Kaan burst into laughter. 

“But, when that guy fucked the horse, you got points!” Doug Guggenheim whined.

Jeannie sighed and slipped her phone into her pocket. She glared up at Doug. “It was a horse fucking a dude and Marty was there with me. We both got the points for viewing a sex show that was put on for us. We were special. We weren't some dufus a herm picked to flash. She turned you down. No fucking points!”

Clyde and Marty were still laughing.

“We need shots!” Marty yelled. He pointed to each member of his team. “Yes? Yes? Yes?”

They all nodded. Clyde was mocking Doug with his finger waving around his crotch.

Marty jumped up and went to the bar. He ordered eight shots of high end tequila. He turned and blinked. “Holy shit, man! You're Aaron Echolls' kid, right?”

Jeannie blinked and turned slowly.

Logan Echolls sighed and nodded. “Yea. Fan?” He put on a smile.

“Yea, I mean, what a shock.” Marty nodded. The bartender slipped a tray next to him and he took a shot. “Want one?” He offered a shot to Logan.

“Dude. Free booze.” Dick Casablancas reached over and grabbed a shot. “Thanks, man.”

“Yea, sure.” Marty smiled.

“Well, thanks for being there for dear old dad.” Logan was biting the bile down. He grabbed a shot and took it.

Marty clinked his shot glass to Logan's and they drank the shots back. “Hey Jeannie! Come here.”

Logan rolled his eyes and let out a small sigh.

Jeannie let out a breath slowly and stood. She walked over towards the men and smiled.

Dick noticed her first and let out a soft whistle. He looked her up and down. She was dressed in her usual business attire. A patterned blouse was under a stylish jacket and skinny pants with very tall heels. 

Logan turned at the whistle and his eyes widened. He watched as she moved closer to Marty.

“Jeannie, you like those pretty boys. Look who I ran into. Aaron Echolls' son!” Marty turned and looked to Logan. “Sorry, what's your name?”

Jeannie offered a smile, raising a brow. She didn't say anything.

“Logan.” He tilted his head to her.

“Hi. Jeannie Van Der Hooven.” She offered him her hand. She was all professional.

Marty looked between the two. “Holy shit.” He looked at Jeannie. “Holy fucking shit.”

Logan took Jeannie's hand and shook it, but held onto it a moment longer than he needed to. “Jeannie?”

Marty looked back at Logan. “Clyde! Doug! Get your asses over here. You will not believe this shit!” Marty was getting excited.

Jeannie raised a brow to Marty, an amused smile on her face. “Did you have too much sugar today? Did I miss the coke train?”

Logan raised a brow. Dick merely watched in utter confusion.

Clyde and Doug ran up. “Yes, Daddy?”

“Our girl, Little Jeannie Van Der Hooven has fucked the son of a celebrity and never told us.” Marty smirked.

Jeannie sighed and licked her lips quickly. She reached past Marty and grabbed a shot, slamming it back.

“Whoa! Daddy! That's big news!” Clyde looked to Logan, then back to Jeannie. “Is he supposed to remember you?”

“Ask him, Clyde.” Jeannie reached over and grabbed another shot, slamming it back.

“Excuse me, uh.” Doug started.

“Logan.” Jeannie supplied.

“Yes, Logan, thank you, Jeannie.” Doug smiled to Jeannie, reaching across her to grab a shot. “Excuse me, Logan, but did you ever approach Jeannie about anal sex?”

Logan coughed and blinked down to her.

“Clyde and I were always curious if she had done it, but she won't give up any details.” Doug continued, ignoring the cough.

Marty laughed. “Well, maybe it was Logan that had the three way with Jeannie.”

Jeannie closed her eyes and grabbed the last two shots and downed them both, one right after the other. “I never expected hell to have strippers and air conditioning.”

“Roni, who are these guys?” Dick finally piped up.

“Roni? What the fuck kind of name is that?” Marty laughed.

“It was hers.” Logan answered softly, watching Jeannie closely.

“I think it's time for lap dances, fellas. Let's get you guys relaxed.” She turned and walked away.

Logan followed behind her, grabbing her and pulling her towards the bathrooms. He walked into the women's restroom and looked around. Once he determined they were alone, he closed the door and stuck the doorstop under it. 

Jeannie walked around, her heels clicking on the tile floor. “Well, this brings back memories.”

“Yea. I bet.” Logan forced a slow breath. “What is going on?”

“Spending other peoples' money for strippers?” She shrugged and turned around.

“Why are you going by another name?” Logan leaned against the closed door.

Jeannie sighed. “Veronica was wanted by some people, some scary people. So she vanished and I changed my name and moved to the other side of the country.”

Logan perked. “Scary people? What happened?”

“I uncovered the entire list of members of the Castle. Remember that mafia guy? He was on that list.” Jeannie leaned against the counter, watching Logan. “I gave that list to Hearst Free Press.”

“Jesus.” Logan sighed.

“So, to avoid being killed by some mafia member or CEO or judge, I ran away and hoped they wouldn't look too hard. I went to Columbia for business and got hired by Galweather.”

“The black dude?” Logan asked.

“That's my boss, Marty Kaan. I would say he's not normally an ass, but he is.” She smirked a bit. “Galweather is a consulting firm.”

“And the horse show?” Logan raised a brow, smirking.

Jeannie chuckled nervously. “Heard that, did you?”

“The whole club heard it. I thought it was your voice, but I talked myself out of it. I didn't think my sweet, wholesome ex would be interested in watching a horse fucking a guy.”

“Well, I didn't seek it out.” Jeannie shrugged.

“And the threeway?” 

“Um. So.” She looked up at him then down to her feet.

“Yea... so?” He asked. “What is going on with you?”

“What do you mean?” She looked up slowly.

“You are in a strip club and it's not even a case. You are here to relax. You are way more sexual than I think I ever was. A horse show?” He ran a hand through his hair.

“Yea, my fiance thinks I'm too much for him.” She shrugged then blinked. “Fuck.” 

Logan swallowed hard. “Fiance?”

Jeannie laughed nervously. “Yea, but it's not going to work out. No one ever works out.” She smiled up at him. “But this doesn't count.”

“This?” He tilted his head.

“Us. Here. On the road.” She spun a bit, gesturing outward. “In God knows where this week. This is like the fantasy and home is, well, home. This is where we play.” 

“So, you cheat on your fiance?” Logan clinched his jaw.

“No. Yes.” She looked up at him. “Yes. See why it won't work out?” She looked down. “I know. I'm a horrible human being.” 

“You aren't.” His face softened.

“We keep score on who we fuck.”

“And?”

“And even after I tell you, Logan Echolls, I'm engaged, I'm still thinking of fucking you and wondering how many points you are worth. See? Horrible.” She sighed.

Logan was quiet for a minute. “Coke train?”

Jeannie threw her hands up in the air. “Yea, add on to the all the sex and alcohol that happens to this body, add some good ole drugs. I'm disgusting.”

Someone tried to push on the door and knocked. “Jeannie, do you have protection? Don't swallow if you don't know.”

Jeannie walked over to the door and Logan stepped away. She kicked the doorstop back and opened the door. She looked up at Clyde and smiled sweetly. “Clyde, leave us the fuck alone before I grab your balls, cover your face with them and tie them around your neck at the taint.” 

Clyde offered up a condom, finally tossing it into the restroom. “Of course. Lots of points. Go Jeannie! Go Jeannie!” He whispered, backing away with his hands over his crotch.

Jeannie closed the door and growled. She kicked the doorstop back into place.

“Whoa. I thought you were scary in high school.” Logan smirked.

Jeannie turned and looked up at Logan and smiled, relaxing a bit. “Want to party?”

“Party? We don't have good luck at parties.” 

“Well, want to go hear about all the guys I've fucked?” She perked her voice a bit. She could feel the booze hitting her.

“Not really?” Logan scrunched up his face and tilted his head.

She walked up to him and touched his shirt collar. “Want to go back to my hotel and catch up?”

“Catch up? Isn't that what this is?” He smirked.

“No, this is me feeling horrible about the last decade and wanting to feel loved again.” She eyed his shirt. 

“How drunk are you?” He looked down at her, a brow raised.

“Pretty drunk.” She looked up, giving him a sexy smile. “I'm aware of my surroundings.” She licked her lips slowly. 

Logan let out a slow breath. “Whoa. Not used to forward Veronica.”

Jeannie reached down and cupped his crotch. She began to rub her hand over him. “You have no idea how forward I can be.” Her other hand grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down.

“Whoa!” He backed up and gaped down at her.

“I want you, Logan.” She stepped closer to him, but didn't go for his crotch again. Her hands touched his chest and she played with his shirt a bit. “Don't you want me?”

“Roni, I, um.” He held her back at arm's length and tried to get his bearings. “I would love to, really, but not in a strip club's restroom.” He offered a smile.

Jeannie stopped and nodded. “Right. I'm classier than this.” She backed up, looking like she was trying to remember something. She looked up at him and offered a smile. “Sorry.”

Logan smiled and nodded. “No worries.”

Jeannie turned and straightened her clothes and checked her makeup before turning around. “Want to go see what damage Dick has done to my career?”

Logan chuckled and nodded. “Let's go meet your fellow horse watchers.” He kicked the doorstop out of the way and held the door open for her. Once she was out, he reached down and picked up the condom and slipped it in his pocket.

“Your real last name is Mars and you were raised in Neptune?! You have to have anal now! It's Uranus! It's written in the stars!” Clyde was lifting a glass up at her.

Jeannie sighed and made a motion to the bartender. “Shots. For the whole lot of us. Make them doubles.” She turned back to Clyde, raising a brow.

“So, points?” He held out his fist to bump.

She walked past him to Marty.

“Little Jeannie. Why must I hear about your childhood from a surfer?” He whined.

“You could have not asked.” She reached over and grabbed a shot, her back to Dick.

“Oh, I couldn't not ask. I had to know.”

“Roni, you sure you want to drink this much?” 

Jeannie turned and glared at Dick. “I don't think you have any say in my alcohol consumption, Casablancas.”

“Veronica?”

Jeannie turned and looked up at Casey. His eyes were wide. 

“Aren't you Casey Gant?” Marty blinked.

“As in Gant Publishing?” Clyde continued.

“As in the third largest publishing house in North America and sixth in the world?” Doug finished.

Jeannie sighed and grabbed another shot. “Holy mother of fucktards.”

Logan smirked.

“How are you? Gosh, I haven't seen you since high school!” Casey came in for a hug.

“No fucking way! Him too?” Marty laughed. He turned to Dick. “You get some Jeannie bean too?”

Jeannie pulled away from the nice, sweet hug and glared at Marty. “First off, fuck no. I would rather let Doug eat my ass. Second, is that why you call me Jeannie Bean? Cause of my clit?”

Marty coughed, choking on his drink.

Doug turned red, mumbling about how he wasn't interested in Jeannie in that way. 

Clyde jumped around like Marty earlier. “This is like the best present ever!”

Jeannie turned to Casey and smiled. It was a genuine smile. “I'm great, Casey. How's business?”

Casey blinked and cleared his throat. “Uh, good. You?”

“Good. Thanks.” 

Marty offered. “Give him a card, Jeanie Bean.”

“A card?” Casey raised a brow.

“We're consultants.”

Casey's smile faded. “Oh.”

“Yea, I'm not giving you a card.” She turned to Marty. “Drink more. Fun time.”

Dick cheered. “Roni, your friends were telling me about how you fucked your boss.”

Logan blinked. 

Jeannie sighed and looked at Marty. “You told him about Rainmaker?”

Clyde sneered. “So, you fucked more than one boss?” He turned to Marty. “Want to tell us about it?”

“Nothing to tell.” Marty shrugged, taking a shot.

“Rainmaker?” Logan mumbled.

Jeannie turned and shrugged. “Nickname.”

“He made it rain on us like we were bitches in heat.” Marty smirked.

“Or maybe something else rained on Jeannie.” Doug laughed.

“Ew! Gross man! We know Jeannie isn't into golden showers!” Clyde yelled.

Jeannie smiled painfully and grabbed another shot. 

“How do you know?” Dick asked, his eyes wide like a child on Christmas morning.

Jeannie turned and glared at Dick.

“She wouldn't let me pee on her. She avoided it.” Marty said nonchalantly as he grabbed a shot.

Logan and Casey watched, both shocked.

“I cannot wait until you all move away from my sex life.” Jeannie sighed.

“Veronica, I had no idea!” Casey smirked.

Jeannie turned and glared at Casey. “Don't make me regret saving you from that cult.”

Logan coughed and looked over at Jeannie. “What the hell?”

Jeannie nodded, grinning, still looking at Casey.

“Fine. I'll behave.” Casey reached across her to grab a shot and smirked. “Give me your card.”

Jeannie smirked and pulled out one of her bra. She held it between two fingers.

“Cult?” Clyde and Logan asked about the same time.

Jeannie looked between the two and shook her head. “Whoa. That's scary.”

“Veronica's dad was paid to check into my after school spending habits. I had joined this hippie cult thing. She joined us to investigate it and make sure I was safe.” Casey smiled down at her, slipping her card into his wallet and pulling one of his cards out to hand back to her.

Logan blinked and looked over at Jeannie. “You joined this cult? When?”

“Uh. Before we dated, I think.” 

“You investigated shit like that in high school? Who the fuck are you, Nancy Drew?” Clyde laughed.

“I bet she's more Harriet the Spy.” Doug chuckled.

“Penny Brown would be closer.” Logan smirked.

“Who the fuck is Penny Brown?” Marty asked, half yelling. He was slipping a crisp bill into the g string of a stripper walking by.

“From Inspector Gadget.” Jeannie answered, smiling at Logan.

“Uh, Jeannie even had the dog.” Logan tumbled over her new name.

Clyde reached over, grabbed a shot and drank it. “What the fuck ever. I need a lap dance.”

Jeannie moved toward Clyde and nodded towards a stripper. “She's been eye-fucking you all night.”

“Fuck, yea, she has.” Clyde walked away from the group.

“I probably shouldn't get a lap dance. Sarah wouldn't appreciate that.” Doug explained to no one while he grabbed a shot.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Doug, go get a lap dance. We won't tell your girlfriend.” Marty growled.

“You sure? Last time, you told her and she was pretty upset. She wouldn't even give me a handy when she was on her, um, lady time.” Doug downed the shot.

“Shut the fuck up, Doug.” Jeannie sighed. “Go away.”

Doug looked down at Jeannie, then looked up to Logan and Casey. “They like to play that game with me. It's not real. We're all friends, you know?” 

Casey nodded. Logan blinked.

“Doug, go get a handy.” Marty sighed.

“Good idea.” He went to walk away, then turned back. “Is it cheating?”

“Is a handshake cheating, Doug?” Jeannie raised a brow. “Just stroking a cock. Not entering a pussy. Go get one.” 

Doug smiled. “Right. Good point. Thanks a bunch, Jeannie.” He turned and smiled up at Casey and Logan. He turned again and went to a stripper.

Logan cleared his throat, eyes still wide. “Jeannie?”

Jeannie and Marty were watching Doug. “Shh. Wait. Watch this.” 

Dick, Casey and Logan turned and watched Doug ask a stripper something. The stripper gasped in shock and slapped Doug hard across the face.

Jeannie and Marty laughed loudly and clinked the last two shots before downing them. Jeannie turned and looked up at Logan. “Whoa. Multiple Logans is kinda hot and scary.”

Logan chuckled. “How many drinks have you had?”

Jeannie shrugged. “I can probably still walk.”

“I haven't offered to carry you yet, so I'm thinking we're around a dozen? Maybe fifteen?” Marty chimed in.

Logan coughed. “You've had fifteen shots?” He reached over to grab her arm.

“Maybe.” She looked up at him. “Is that a lot?”

Logan smirked. “Yea. I think you might be trying to beat my high school days.”

Casey and Dick chuckled.

“Want to switch to water?” Logan asked sweetly.

“Wow. I guess you do have the pussy that brings all the boys back to the yard.” Marty smirked.

Jeannie sighed and looked to Marty. “What. Are. You. Saying?” She giggled. “I don't have a lawn.” She turned and looked to Logan. “Smooth ladyscaping.” She nodded.

Logan chuckled. “Wow. Good to know.”

“I'd say.” Dick smirked.

Jeannie turned and glared up at Dick. “What the fuck are you smirking at? It looks like you had a fucking stroke and can't fix your face.”

Marty slammed his hand on the bar and bent over, coughing and laughing.

Logan and Casey blinked. 

Dick frowned a bit. “Hey, Roni...” He was hurt.

Jeannie looked at Dick and sighed. “What the fuck.” She rolled her eyes. “Way to ruin my buzz.” She walked away from him, but she wobbled and ran into Casey. He smirked, catching her. 

“You alright? Gonna make it?” 

Jeannie nodded. “Totally gonna make it.” She smiled up at him. “Thanks for the assist.”

“Anytime, Veronica.” Casey winked.

“Jeannie Bean?” Marty calmed and looked up.

Jeannie turned and looked back. “Hmm?”

“I'm gonna go fuck a stripper. You got this?” He gestured to the Neptune men.

“Fuck yea, I got this.” She stood tall. “And remember, wrap it up.”

“I know. Jesusfuck. You get Chlamydia once and no one forgets it.” Marty mumbled as he walked away.

“Damn skippy.” Jeannie nodded, also mumbling.

Logan laughed loudly.

Casey and Dick raised brows at her.

Jeannie looked around the strip club and sighed. “Well, I suppose it's time to get the fuck out of here.”

“When did you get a potty mouth, Roni?” Dick asked.

“Um. College.” She nodded, looking back at him. “Also, I can't be offended by it if I'm just as bad as the guys.” She shrugged.

“You do have a pretty bad mouth now, Mars.” Logan smirked.

She grinned maliciously and looked up at him. “I could probably use a spanking or two.” She walked past them and waved above her head.

“She's either going to kill me or I'm about to have the best night ever. Later fellas.” Logan chased after her.

Casey and Dick laughed as they watched her pounce on him and he carried her out of the club.


End file.
